Jun, 26 2018

Dating Rules #3: First Date: Past Relationship Talk, Y/N?

Author Aulia Meidiska

It is always good to have never-ending topics to discuss on a first date as it is the crucial part to get to know each other better. Somehow, it is also a way to determine what to do next. If everything works well second date is another journey to look forward, isn’t it? Unconsciously, though, we maybe can slip out a discussion about past relationship on the table. For example the wonderment of our date’s former ex or instead our bragging of what happened with our exes. Then to know how many people are actually fine with that or not, I threw a question to the Instagram residents:


First date: Talking about past relationship?


Yes (24%)

No (76%)


Well, it is pretty a big deal for plenty of people talking about past relationship seeing the percentage. Taking Hativani Kharmanjara as a sample of the ‘No’ population, she reveals that discussing about past relationship on a first date is forbidden. She explains, “Let the bygone, bygone. It’s not necessary to emerge on our first date. I never do that. But when my date and I agree to continue our venture, later we probably will talk about it. If the tendency is to commit on a serious relationship, I will bring on the topic sometimes just to give me more perspectives.” In fact, on her first date she would prefer to talk about the present and (a bit) the future. However, if the past relationship talk is inevitable to arise from her date, she will still answer it without furthering the story too much. By all means, she will respond it concisely (as needed).


To crack the bottle of history, Indra Jaya, the founder of a digital marketing agency in Jakarta, Krona, has opposite opinion. As one of the lesser-percentage option voters, he thinks that he needs to know everything about his dating partner including the past relationship. “It’s better to know everything before it’s too late. Practically, stepping to a first date defines which path you want to go”, he unveils. There is nothing to cause a problem for him to understand what happened with his date in the past. It’s not really necessary, but it’s important to him to figure out what kind of person he’s dating. He personally believes that if people do not want to be open at the very first time, they better become just friends.


In my experience, I [almost] always mention my past relationship not on first dates but on the very first time when we were still acquaintances. Yes, I rarely go for a date with some strangers nor blind dates. I don’t like them [sorry]. When I go for a first date, it means that I have become friends with the partner. So most likely he already knows a small portion of my past relationship as small as my ex broke me up over the phone. That’s it.

But..wait, hang on. I just remember. Yes, I sometimes bring up the conversation about past relationship when it gets boring and we don’t have anything else to talk about or anything in common. A bad break-up can be our similar interest to chew over. Trust me.


TAGS :   past   relationship   love   first date   dating rules   dating