Jan, 12 2019

10 Reasons Why Your Relationship Doesn't Work

Author Aulia Meidiska

I believe that people (including me) who have undergone a few relationships already may have concluded that relationship is hard. It is normal actually. Can you imagine how to unite two different personalities into one body? There are two distinct brains with two distinct backgrounds that need to be a team. However, most of relationships do not work because of similar issues like mentioned below:


White lies are still lies

There is no such thing called white lies no matter how the intention. I believe that lying is the utmost reason why relationship does not work. When you love someone, you don’t want to lie to your lover because if you think again, why do you should lie when you can tell the truth. It may hurt but it is the right thing to do. When you are lying it means there is something wrong with it.


Putting yourself first (most of the time)

Being selfless is a way of compromising. It drives a healthy relationship. But remember it has to come both ways. Both of you should not put yourself ahead and always consult to each other when it comes to decision-making. Small or big, everything must be discussed. Otherwise, you slowly press the exit button. Remember that being in a relationship is about to make your partner happy. That’s concurrently happiness for you too.


Avoiding problems

Don’t pretend there is not a problem. Think that problems always occur. Avoiding problems do not get you out from it and instead you create another problem. Value the problem as a sharpener to your instinct where you can handle and understand yourself and your loved one better.


Trying so hard to make things work

One says, “If it is not easy, it’s not it.” True is having a good relationship is hard but when it is IT, you won’t try so hard to make things work. Everything will work naturally and as simple as a finger snap, you fall in love again with the same person. The time you try so hard to make things work, it is the time you force everyone.


Not becoming the truest version of yourself

I have been in a relationship with someone whom I never show my true colors. And it is difficult to me because I have to impress him most of the time and repress what I truly feel. Later, it became a toxic to my sanity. It is as if I am imprisoned.


Always thinking of winning and losing

Stop keeping score to one another. There is no such thing to win or to lose in a relationship. You are in this together. If you win, you win together and it goes the same thing when you lose. As long as you still compete, it is never going to work.


Giving lots of signs without telling

This is often done by girl (sorry girls). I hate to admit that we [girls] love to play mind games, throwing puzzles at boys and letting them figure out themselves what we want without telling. Then we can fight about it and say, “Don’t you read my [unvoiced] sign?”. Apologize to boys if we still do this. I know it is possible to yield the failure.


Inviting external aspect(s) to come aboard

No, it’s not about cheating or third person in the relationship. It is more about how you unconsciously involve other respected relatives or friends in your relationship. For example: parents. I think relationship is personal. Yes in some countries, like Indonesia, we have the culture of giving our parents permission for determining our life partner and if they don’t like we just have to accept it. And...it is when your relationship does not work. Well, maybe you will reach the point of getting married but not a quality relationship. Like I said, Relationship is Personal. It is about the two of you. No one has any rights to participate in the settlement.


Comparing. All. The. Time

Comparison is good sometimes to draw a line but not oftentimes. Comparing your present relationship to the past one or comparing your partner to your ex will only allow the access of unreasonable expectation. And when the expectations are not realized, you know the answer to it, don’t you?


Devoting yourself to your the-one-and-only

Devoting yourself too much to your the-one-and-only can cause you to be in a codependent relationship. It means that you agree to such terms your partner controls your personalities, behaviors even your thoughts. You become clingy and make your one-and-only depend on you as well. Later, it leads into massive mental disorder where you are not yourself anymore.


Illustration by @febiramdhan


Read more: Relationship 101: What to Avoid for a Healthy Relationship


TAGS :   relationship   love   break up   tips   dating