“We never know what might happen in the future. Maybe when we meet again later, I would be the one who is single and you are not. No one knows what could happen between you and me.”
Before I tell you the story of my friend and her affair, I’d like you to read this story with prior questions: Does love have a due date? Do you believe that there is no such thing called “The One” since feelings can change toward someone you love ?even the one you commit to spend the rest of your life? More, does true love exist?
My friend one time called me for a red flag. She was in trouble. She had an affair with someone who was married. At first, she thought that it was just a fling and she could manage because her affair was not her type at all. At first, she thought it would be fine teasing him in a harmless way though she knew there were dragons flying when she saw him right to his eyes. At first, she thought there was nothing to worry about to play a little. Alas, it was just at first.
They were in the same circle so it required them to get in touch almost everyday. The teasing, the jokes, the flirts, it lasted for the time they never considered would be that long. The intimacy surely made it worse and maintained the feeling to stay longer. For a few first months, they had decided to stop. They have said goodbye to each other, resisting the desire to just text saying ‘hey, how’s your day’. Stupid is the more they try to exit their emotional attachment, the more they tangle in the chain. They seemed to be able reading each other’s mind without having to tell one another. One time day could just stare at each other in public, in a 5-meter distance, saying nothing but embracing the intimacy of missing each other.
They got carried away with the strong chemistry they never considered would happen between them. They were two forms of skeletons who mistakenly vibed each other and found how similar they were. They slowly developed treacherous feelings and unconsciously created a vicious circle. Complicated as hell. Thing was the man does not have the intention to leave his fiancee and I’m sure my friend was aware about it. Unfortunately what she’s not really aware was that she was hurting herself so much by her expectation of him going to treat her like a lover in a true relationship. She forgot the rules of being the third person: not allowed to ask any “rights”.
One day, everything changed. They felt guilty so much about the affair. They saw each other for the last time and made it official to get things over. Crying a lot about it, they did not have a clue why it was very hard for them to separate until the mantra of ‘L’ word was uttered. Then my friend asked him: “For all things we have done, is there any parts that you regret?”. He answered, “Yes, I regret not to meet you earlier. But we never know what will happen in the future. Maybe later I am the one who is single again and you are the one in a relationship.”
The moment I heard this, my mind was talking to me: “uh-oh, my she was officially under a spell.” Why? Because she will think the “what if” all the time and end up with not going to look for someone else because she still has a hope to be with him. She will unconsciously believe that the man would choose her if they met long before or if someday there is still a chance for them to reconnect the feeling. Now it leaves her in front of the wide-open imaginary door.
In my friend’s case, the statement “we never know what will happen in the future” is super tricky to be voiced out loud. It is true when people believe in destiny and they may get back together someday with their true love. But, if it is true that in the future he may retrace his feeling to my friend, does it mean that his love to his fiancee is possible to have a due date? If people easily get married with a perspective that the feeling may have changed in the future, does it mean that love has a due date?
I can’t help but wonder if the long-held belief of ‘The One’ would have only been a delusional fantasy. Due the fact people can have more than one of ‘The One’ so what is the point of getting married and pronouncing ‘The One’ if you can still share romantic feeling to others? What is the point of settling down if you are not sure that the person in front of you is forever, no due date?
This circumstance actually repeats over my circle. I unintentionally acknowledge similar stories experienced by different people. I am fully aware this condition could befall to anyone. Having said that, however, it comes to my knowledge now that maybe every relationship has a due date. It is supported by a book I recently read, The Hite Report on Male Sexuality. There is a chapter discussing about men in a monogamous relationship. About more than 10 men unveil they have paramours from time to time. Some of them begin to put their attention to another woman since they figure out about how their love to their wife is not like it used to be. Many remain staying in a ten-to-twenty-year marriage because of their love for responsibility. Slowly, the romantic love has decreased little by little until it runs out, ceasing to an end.
It, thus, pokes me to rise these following questions: does the theory of ‘The One’ has never been really clear nor proven? Is it truly possible someone can have multiple moments of having ‘The One’? More, shall we stop trying to believe and find ‘The One’?
Illustration by @sabinaka