“I enjoyed every moment not knowing what to do or guessing what his next move was going to be. At the end, it’s what all I love to remember. Because that awkwardness is the first thing you will miss in the future.”
This is a story about Marissa. It’s her very first date back to the time when she was still in high school. I couldn’t stop laughing when I read her story. It’s about all the awkwardness, the not knowing, the guessing game and the hopeful wishes. I can only imagine why this is the kind of experience she keeps with her for years. Let’s see if you can relate to her story.
“I wasn’t the typical girl who had girlfriends to talk girly things with, back in school. I looked very boyish up until I graduated junior high. I played football or soccer —whichever you prefer—. I only had one best friend which was a guy —who now has come out as a gay—. So, I also wasn’t very lucky about relationship or romance. I was about 17 when I decided to change the way I dressed and act in general. Not to become somebody else, but to be a girl I’ve actually always wanted to be.”
“The outcome from my changes is a sweet dream. A boy had a crush on me. Well, since I never had any experiences before, everything in my head about relationship was a fairytale. I wanted a cute, smart, funny, romantic and caring guy. All in one package. It’s so high school, isn’t it? I expected him to slip me a chocolate or write me a poem or a simple wink when he walks passing my classroom. How unlucky, I got somebody else’s dream of having a cool type of guy [It wasn't the best thing].”
“Long story short, it took us months to finally got on a date after our first introduction. My friends set us up on a Valentine’s day. This was very awkward because I really didn’t think he liked me even when other people said so. I went to my friend’s place and he was there. My friend said that we were going to go out for dinner. Turned out, the 'we' part only meant for me and that guy [who they claimed to have a crush on me]. Far from excitement, I ended up embarrassing myself. I smiled at him and said, 'let’s go' only to hear he replied, ‘I am not interested in going out with you’.”
“Ouch! So, I went out anyway. But it didn’t take too long until I heard footsteps. He followed me. He said, “your friend wants to make sure you’re safe.” What an excuse! No, this is not a Korean drama, so don’t expect anything sweet follows. He was walking few steps behind me and didn’t say a thing. Oh, I really wanted to open a conversation but I didn’t know what to say.”
“We reached the restaurant, I ordered my food and he just sit in silence with a glass of drink. After a while, I built up my courage and finally let out three silly words from of my mouth. It was, you look cute. Don’t judge me, I guess I just wanted his attention. Well, it kind of worked because he replied me with, ‘you know your way back, right?’ and left.”
"The story didn’t end there. I finally got back to my friend’s place alone and he was still there. He insisted to give me ride home, which was pretty sweet. On the way he asked me if I wanted to get a dessert. I shouted, “Yes!” Maybe by now you can imagine how over excited I was knowing that there’s a slight change he was going to be my first boyfriend ever. I checked my pocket and realized that I left my wallet back at my friend’s place. So I told my crush, ‘I forgot my wallet’.”
“It was just simply awkward. I didn’t want him to think it was a code for ‘you’re the guy, you pay’, neither me having second thought. But his reaction was expected, he turned the motorbike and headed straight to my house.”
“Alright bare with my story, we almost reached the end of the date. He stopped about a mile from my place. We stopped at a cafe. We both ordered drink. We sat there for half an hour with me talking all the time. Yeah I know, girl talks too much on the first date is not a good sign. So then he got up and said, ‘nope, can’t stand you.’”
“The end! Actually, I know it wasn’t the best ending to a date. I was wide awake all night asking myself; is that how a first date usually feels like? Awkward! Well, that’s my first very first date story. It was awkward as hell from my part. It took me couple of years to finally realized that it was just a unique memory which I learned to love. It was a funny story to tell our friends especially after we [seriously] got together a month after.
“Now that I think about it, I enjoyed that moment even if I didn’t know it then. The not knowing what to do part or guessing what his next move was going to be; in the end, it’s all I want to remember. Because that awkwardness is the first thing you will miss in the future.”
Thanks for sharing the story, Marissa! I am sure we all have experienced the same thing one way or another. It’s okay to dream about your perfect date but it’s also fun to just go with the flow. Put your expectation away and just let the mystery sweep you off of your feet (or put you on the ground). Either way, it’s going to be fun at the end! Let’s go on a date, shall we?
Illustration by @sabinaka