Nov, 06 2018

Break-up Rules #3: Being Friends with Your Ex

Author Idelia Risella

It’s always very impressive to hear anybody says, “I am friends with all of my exes. What’s past is past.” That statement makes someone immediately look cool and strong. Like they hold it all together. But let’s admit it, it’s never an easy thing to do. Not everyone has a heart that big to just let go. Whether it’s you or the other person’s decision, a break-up is always painful. So, I always tell my friends not to be discourage to detach yourself from your ex after the relationship ended.

But, I don’t know about you. That’s why I created this poll:


Break-up Rules #3

Case: Despite the reason behind your break-up, would you be friend with any of your ex?

a. Sure. There’s no need to hold grudges (46%)

b. No way. I have enough friends. (54%)


I wasn’t really surprised to see the result as it’s also likely to be heard from daily stories. But I am very curious about the reasons behind every choice. So, I asked few people to hear more from them. And here are the answers.

A writer from one of the online media in Jakarta named Sophia chose (a). She strongly believed that being friends with an ex actually help you to build the ultimate peace. “It’s a good mental training. It gives me emotional exercise to learn how to control myself. It hurts and it usually takes a long time to finally be okay with the situation but I prefer to face it. Later when I reach the point where my heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore when his around, I know I am ready to start a new relationship.”

Well, on some point I agree with her. To reach certain skill, you do need training. It’s okay to test yourself out once in a while. To see how much you can take. But, I also got different opinion from one participant who chose the option (b).

His name is Albert. Working for an event organiser gives me so many opportunities to always meet new people. He believe that what’s important in life is to make the best out of a moment. “It happens once and there’s no reason to pretend that everything is okay by being friends. You had one chance to be with somebody. Either being a friend or a lover. You make the most out of it when the moment comes. Some people come to be your friend. After a while, you realise it doesn’t really work and you walk separate ways. I think the same rhythm applies to relationship.”

He explained it in a very calm way. To him the reason why two ex lovers don’t be friends after a break up is not because they hate each other but because human relationship works that way. He’s got a very good point as well.

If you ask me, I would choose option (b). After going on few dates and experiencing couple relationships, I think I could say that some people are just not meant to stay forever in our lives. But of course this discussion is not final. I’d like to know more about what you think. Leave your comment below!