I know, we all judge a book by its cover. As long as our eyes are healthy and work perfectly, we would at least think of a comment on what we see. You don’t always say it; but you get what I mean. It’s not our fault, really. I think, whoever made the word ‘beautiful’ or ‘ugly’ is responsible for that. Every word that has ever been created, since way before dictionary even existed (around 1520s - 1750s) , allow us to describe something. So, it’s normal.
Therefore, so many of us care so much about our look. Not only because we want other people to come up with complimenting adjective words when they see us, but also because we want to believe we look good enough for our own satisfaction. Either way, we all still think it’s important.
Well, it is. Because it all comes down to communication and human relation purposes. We clean up, dress up and ‘makeup’ to impress, to engage, to tell about something, and sometimes to fit into certain society standard. But we all have to realize that even tho you’ve been reading almost three long paragraphs, they were all just the beginning.
It doesn’t work forever this way for relationship. It’s not all about the look. So, besides going to beauty classes and reading through fashion magazines, you also need to learn this stuff to keep the relationship going. Go on, read them through…
Your genuine smile and joyful laughter
Would you want to be with somebody who pouts all the time? I don’t think so. Neither does he. One thing you should understand about men is that they only need other presence to have fun with. Especially with their life partner. Men do their hard work alone, it’s their nature. It doesn’t mean that he only wants you on certain time but it means that you need to learn how to have fun with him.
It’s very crucial in early stages of relationship. It’s actually also the most important thing
if you want to master flirting skills [we can talk about that on other articles]. Especially on a first date, you need to smile a lot. It is highly important to show that you’re having a good time with him. It also briefly shows how much you like him before even saying it.
If you’re in a relationship right now and you feel like he doesn’t give enough time for you, start smiling and laughing next time he’s around. He needs to have a good time with you. Laugh at his joke (even if it’s not that funny).
Your competence to speak up your mind
I use the word competence because not only you have to be vocal, but you need to know how to do it the right way. Just like doing a presentation at work or on a debate session in class. First thing first, before you say your statement, you need to understand the context. Then you need to collect enough data and ideas to build your concept. Construct few effective sentences and deliver the message clearly with a touch of emotion.
Sounds complicated but it’s all necessary because without this process, your statement would sound like “bla bla bla” to him. You would be nothing more than a nagging girlfriend. So, what do we need to be able to do this? Knowledge. We need to be smart. Not Einstein smart, but smart enough to have intriguing argument.
Your basic cooking skill and food craving
Yes! Please do learn how to cook. Not only men loves to eat, but learning (at least) the basic skill of cooking brings out that feminine side of a women which is so attractive to men. I am not kidding. Even a simple instant soup over a movie night in would ‘turn him on’ tonight. There is nothing sexier than a woman who cooks.
The second part is the food craving. Men love women who knows how to eat.
So, please do. Maybe some of you are in a diet program. But I believe there’s no healthy diet suggests you to starve yourself. So, eat on your own time but this time, with him. Show him your appetite and how happy you are with your food.
Your willingness to ask for help
Talking about men’s ego, sometimes we just have to deal with it. I know you must be a strong women. You can manage things yourself. I am even sure you’re pretty handy. But he needs you to need him. So, it won’t kill you to ask for help once in a while, right? Maybe not on simple things that would make you look like a lazy person like grabbing the remote control. Maybe you can try to call him and say, “Would you please buy me some food on your way home? I am craving for that baked rice you got me last week.” Oh my, he would feel like a hero doing it.
Your busy time doing things that you love
You must have heard about how men need their space. What we don’t usually talk about is how men love a girl who takes her own space for the things that she likes. We’re not talking about over controlling men here because let’s admit it, girls can also be crazy sometimes. We’re talking about normal people who are pursuing healthy relationship.
Tell your boyfriend that you need time for yourself. Find something you’re really passionate about. Maybe your work, social projects, your new start-up business, or even a time to hang out with your girlfriends. Because strong relationship isn’t built on dependency but independency. You make yourself happy and you’ll be happier together.
Your warm hug, a question and quite time to listen
Last but not least, the warmth. No matter how tall and think the walls he build, he still needs that warmth of hug. Men also need to be heard. Most of the time they won’t tell you their problem. So, you need to ask them sometimes. How to ask them? It takes time to understand the best way. Start slowly from the basic question, “How was your day?” To something more serious like, “You look sad. Do you want to talk to me about it?”
Give him the hug and the question. Then wait for his answer. If you have read the famous book “Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus”, you have probably heard that men don’t really ask for help. Especially from the women they love. It’s in their nature to be the one to handle things. So after you ask the question, all you need to do is to listen. Try to comfort him your best and maybe cook him some soup.
Cheerio and good luck!
Illustration by @signumnobilis