Some couples believe that when they have a long-period relationship they would have known each other better than the ones who just count one to two years. At first, I thought so too. Until the worst nightmare happened in my life.
I was just an ordinary girl from a small town. I have been dating this guy for a few years. He was nice, polite, treating me well and so promising to give his world to me. That time, I was in my early 20s. My universe was still like an imaginary castle. Oftentimes, I had planned the future and everything was colorful not just black and white. Oftentimes, in my daydream he appeared, hugging me, kissing me, saying ‘I love you’ endlessly. The unicorn even showed itself to spin around in my perfect utopia.
Everything was so easy and predictable until he proposed to me. The following days of our engagement still flew me to the seventh layer of the sky. Nothing logged me out for an exit. Everything was rainbow, candy bars, and La La Land. Then, the dark cloud was coming unexpectedly and created a massive storm in my relationship and in my life.
The long-period relationship made me put trust on him. He was never being someone I was afraid of anyway. He was very mature and centered. Never once I thought to doubt his personality. But after months of our engagement, he revealed his true colors out of sudden.
His rage began when he found me coming home with a male friend who just helped me from a motorbike accident. At the time, we had an event together and he was at the incident location. Nothing was really serious on me. Minor injury. As a good friend, he was following me to make sure I arrived home safely. At the front door of my apartment, there was my fiancee looking super mad. Without asking anything, he sent my friend home and pull my arm to enter inside.
Out of nowhere, he accused me of cheating on him. He did not allow me to explain. At all. He extremely slapped me in the face. And as if my voice was in mute, he did not listen to anything I was saying while messing up with all my stuff looking for condoms. It was like there were random voices in his head, making him ignore everything else surrounding and think I was having sex with my friend.
Did not find what he searched for, he then slammed my body to the wall, smothering me. His eyes were pure evil doing that. I was almost out of breath until he took off my clothes and raped me. I could not do anything. I lost my voice to scream, I lost my energy to defend myself. He outpowered me entirely. Not stopping there, another episode sequenced. He forced me to get in the car only wearing underwears covered by a piece of blanket and drove me to our future home. He then dragged me to a room and locked the door. No food, no drink, nothing.
The next day, I heard his car engine. With a little less energy, I observed the room trying to find an exit. I broke the window and managed to get out. Without thinking, I looked for ammunition, money, cellphone, and clothes. I saw them in another room. I broke another window to escape and run as fast as I could. When in hiding, I called my friend to buy me a plane ticket to another city meanwhile I tried to hail a cab to the airport. My plan was to go as far as I could. I met my friend who was living in the city. I explained my story then asked for a temporary stay. Like an angel, she opened her door widely. She even encouraged me to file the abuse and I agreed.
Funny thing was (to the fact he was a charming yet manipulative guy) he could convince my parents that I cheated on him and left for no reason. So when I called my mom, she suggested me to clarify the misunderstanding, to have a civilized conversation and to apologize to him. Can you believe it? He was such a living devil who could manipulate my parents’ brain. Not to mention when he terrorized my workplace. My manager called me, visualizing the scene. My ex-fiancee barged in then shouted out my name. Failed to get information, the next day his mom came doing the same thing. This time she threatened to hurt people who lied to her about my existence. What a complete disaster.
The progress of filing the case was slow. Especially due to it proceeded in a small town. I knew for a fact that it was easy for him to discharge once proven he committed the crime. But what he did to me was beyond cruel. I suffered more than a mere injury so I wasn't backing down...at first. Strangely, an epiphany crawled into my being. I felt the madness would never break me free from the trauma and locked him behind bars would not be a finish line. Thus for the last time we saw each other at the courtroom, I decided not to toss him to the prison but settle for a legal agreement that I would not put him in jail if he agreed that he and none of his family could contact me or meet me or any of my family or anyone that related to me in person at all for my entire life. That he moves toward me would be supervised under the law.
For the last time, he made my heart sprinted. For the very last time as he signed and never appeared in my life anymore..
It took 10 years to start a new relationship with another man ever since. It took 10 years to gain peace with life. Well, at least I was just grateful his true color burst early before we tied the knot. Can you imagine if it happened when we had kids?
Illustration by @maria_alathea