Hey, ladies! I dedicate this article to you because I understand how hard it is to read men and know exactly what their intentions are. Especially when it comes to dating. But there are actually clues for you that’s not so hard to see. I’ve checked them out by experience and so many sessions with friends, I can say that these types of things that men do are very close to red flags. So before they really turn red, we all should be aware and put on our protection. Make sure you read them religiously, ladies.
How do we know that he’s emotionally unavailable? Well, there’s no certain answer to this question. He could be all exciting, romantic and promising up front. Nobody would be able to see the surprising twist coming. That’s when he starts disappearing or asks you to back off because he’s not ready for a commitment.
These guys are not jerks by heart. They become such an a** because he leads us on, but they are not doing it intentionally. Most of them do need attention and affection. They need all the things in a relationship, they are just not available to be claimed. So when he said he likes you, that’s probably true. Those long phones call till dawn actually mean a lot to him as well. Only, not enough to him for having any status.
How do we spot this kind of guy, then? Most of the time, guys are pretty honest with their words. So the easiest way is to listen. For example, when he says that he just breaks up with his long-term girlfriend and feels weird being with somebody else, that is probably true. He’s not sure about himself. He can’t be certain if he needs somebody else to replace the [now available] girlfriend position.
In another case when he would say, “I am so focused on my work. I am busy with work almost 24/7”. Whoa! That doesn’t mean that he would find the right time for you. That means he would put his work before you and no guys with a commitment on the table, would say that. If you meet his kind of guy, just take it easy. Don’t put your hopes too high.
This type could be pretty dangerous. Maybe not now, but later in the future. These guys are looking for somebody who can treat him like a child, hence a mother. Although, nobody can replace his real mother anyhow. While he would make you feel like you have control over this relationship, he would put his mother before everything. You would be surprised how this kind of guy turns impossibly unrecognizable when he’s with his mother.
How do we spot this kind of guy? First of all, they’d talk about their mother a lot. They would make sure you know how lovely his mother is. Slowly, you would realize that everything he does in life is basically under his mother wings. When you start to question if he is able to make his own decision, immediately seeking for answers. Ladies, please don’t try to help him. If you do want to be there for him, be his friend, not his girlfriend.
Just like the name, he enjoys being himself and thinks that he is good. That’s probably everything that he cares about. He’s looking for somebody to make him look even better. Is that you? If you are as confident and is willing to be his trophy, this would be the least of a problem for you. But I generally suggest you to not be with a Narcissistic person. You might have to spend all your life trying.
Okay, that probably sounds like hyperbole. Being with a person like this would end up making you feel like you’re not enough. No matter what you do, it’ll always be about him. How do we spot this type in guys? Obviously, he’d talk a lot about himself and how proud he is with his achievements. Worst, you would see so many selfies on his Instagram. He cares about how he looks like and shows them to you. He doesn’t have to be all muscle, because even guys with a belly can be narcissistic.
Be aware of those who talk about themselves a lot and takes it seriously.
I mean, no mercy for this type of guy. No one should intentionally hurt other people. Abusive people (especially those with a mental issue) usually starts with being overly kind. They know how to manipulate us, ladies. Their lips are full of nice words and their gesture is romantic. That won’t last long especially when he knows that you are his.
How to spot this guy? The one that’s so obvious usually likes touching. He won’t hesitate to hold your hand (tightly) on the first date. He would do a lot of tickling and pinching because he just likes to do it. He even sometimes do it too strong just for the sake of your reaction (that he loves). Eventually, he’d start using the physical thread as a way to get what he wants.
This is serious, ladies! If you haven’t experienced this before, you’re lucky. But you still need to be aware because it’s really hard —let me rephrase: extremely hard— to escape from the relationship once it touches the threatening part. You would bond emotionally with the guy and he could be very manipulative in order to make you stay. I’ve had so many stories like this coming to SATI and it’s very concerning. So, be careful, ladies!
Last but not least, The classic player
This is where all the craziness about men and his victim's tale started. The classic player who knows his game well. The kind of guy who uses his power over ladies just to have a little bit of fun. Even though an Emotionally Unavailable guy can be mistaken as a player, but they are completely different. A player is super confident and he knows what he’s doing. He usually gets what he wants, and that’s the problem.
You reject him, he’d chase after you. That’s the game he plays. He knows he doesn’t want commitment, but he chases you anyway. Meanwhile, he’d let you know for sure that he doesn’t want any relationship. Almost the same codes apply to this type of guy. He usually tells the truth (on his most convenient time) with a little bit of tricky message that would get you to confuse.
He’d say, “I don’t think I am ready for a relationship. But you entered my life and I am not so sure now.” Or in another form, he’d say, “I can’t stay with you tonight, I’m afraid of falling in love too deep. I’m going to miss you, tho.” Oh my-my, how confusing! Anything sounds like these two sentences are bullshit. The only thing that’s true is the part where he said ‘I am not ready for a relationship’ and ‘I don’t want to say with you tonight because I am not in love with you’.
In the end, always take care of yourself, ladies. No one can make you any happier than yourself. Let’s fall in love with ourselves!
Illustration by @febiramdhan