Remember the prom at the end of high school or the college graduation party or even the farewell party for your resignation? Why do you think many people get to celebrate the end of an event? Why is it important? One of the reasons probably is to appreciate the time we spend with certain people through a certain period. We get to celebrate the good and bad moments we had in the past to allow us starting a new day in a different kind of situation. We need to close one door for another door. It makes saying a proper goodbye to people who had been coloring our days for such an event credits the experiences we passed.
In the case of breakup is actually no difference. All breakups are ugly but the thing is when we want to continue our lives in a good term, we have to “appreciate” the memories throughout the length of time we put ourselves into. We need to celebrate the time we had been passing together in order to sign that it is time for us to move on. I know, I know, it is hard to talk when our clear head is somewhere else when remembering those ugly fights. But saying a proper goodbye to our ex means that we respect the person who had been with us through thick and thin. Look, we decided to be with someone for a reason, right? So even if the person failed to work things out, it does not mean we have to hold the grunge or hate him. It leads to nowhere and ultimately it won’t be good for us. Trust me, hatred is just another disease killing us softly. Well, anyway we never know what will happen in the future, right? It is possible that our ex has something beneficial for our career or else at the time we really require help.
I have a few relationships where the end was tangled. We fought, exited from the relationship and never heard from each other anymore until now. One day I had to reconnect with one of them for business and it was so hard to just press the send button on my Whatsapp saying ‘how are you’. It’s terrible that we could not talk to each other anymore just because we held our pride not to deal with anything to each other. I even had to ask my friend to represent me. When we just escaped from our past, staying behind the bush, we had unfinished business. And I promise you it is not going to resolve by itself. It needs a proper manner, a proper talk to sit down and tell each other thanks and sorry. To agree on being such civilized humans who can communicate things without anger and negativity.
Okay, now.. do you remember the questions of the post-breakup in your head? For example: “What if we did make up and actually it was a merely small fight we made a big deal?”, “Why did he do such thing?”, “Why did he move on so easily?” or “Who would be my next?”, etc. How did they make you feel? Anxious? Curious? Or even mad because you never had the answers? Here is the thing, those questions would not dare to fly around your brain if you resolve it beforehand.
It is okay if later in the way of moving on you want to block his or her numbers for a while until you let it go. But still, s/he deserves a proper goodbye. You, especially, deserves a proper goodbye. It maybe takes time but you have to make sure the proper goodbye happens. The feeling after the goodbye resembles the feeling after the farewell, prom night, and the graduation party. You will miss him or her, of course, but you actually will relieve yourself from the pain. In a way, you tell a proper goodbye to your past self and be ready for something better ahead. To inhale the oxygen and exhale the toxic. So, are you ready to be a much bigger person today?
Illustration by @yeluyelu_