Originally published in greatmind.id
Everyone has a different perspective on love and how to define what it is. To me, love is difficult to define because it's more of a feeling than anything. It's that tingly feeling you get and you don't know why. It's like a curse almost because love is the most powerful feeling of all and we tend to get lost in it. We'd do anything in our power for the one we love. True love is to give without expecting anything in return, because if they are happy, then you are happy. Love is unconditional, scary, a reason why some kill themselves for others to live for.
However, the definition of love changes over time. Of course, a healthy love grows and evolves. In early relationships, you go all out to impress, you get all dolled up in pretty dresses and heavy make-up, then it's the stage of comfort and acceptance, you wake up bare-faced and he says to you how beautiful you look without anything on. That to me is the best stage in a relationship when you accept each other for who they are when you realize it's no longer a fairy tale, yet you keep going because you want to see each other grows, you learn from the mistakes you made together, building a stronger bond than ever.
The valuable lesson from our past relationship is when it hurts the most when we feel we are at the lowest point in your life, this too shall pass and we will survive. There's is someone who is right for us, and if we have to force it, then that person is probably not the one for us. Love should happen organically, and most importantly chemistry is everything. We have to be aware of our feelings in a relationship and observative at the same time because a toxic relationship might happen without us realizing it.
Excessive jealousy is a definite red flag. If there is no trust and respect in the relationship, then there is no relationship. Then comes the assorted kind of abuses from physical to verbal abuse. To me personally, verbal abuse worse than physical abuse. Bruises and scars will heal, but those painful words will live within you forever. Both are equally bad, it greatly affects your well being. Think of it like this, do you want someone to come up in your face, verbally abuses you and then physically hurts you? No right? So don't do it to other people. What goes around comes around, karma is a bitch if you are. Be kind, be humble be human.
Love is a pack of lollipop and bandage, you know. It is very common to feel never to love again sometimes. Especially when a toxic relationship hits our heart and trust. But to me, I will fall in love again, fight again, get hurt again, love harder again. Evidently, it is just life. There is no perfect relationship, we are not perfect so why expect anything perfect. Instead, seek balance. More importantly, practice self-love every single day.
Stop comparing yourself to others, accept and love the things that make you different, what makes you special. Find something you are passionate about, something to get you excited to get out of bed every morning. I had been in the position where I was tired of being depressed, tired of my depression not allowing me to be happy. If seeing a therapist or psychiatrist works for you, then keep doing it, I stopped taking medication because I hate the robotic feeling it makes me feel so I have resorted to exercising, eating a balanced diet and cut toxic people out of myself. It's a slow process but I can see the huge difference in my mental health. Significantly, it makes a huge difference as well to how you perceive a good relationship, a well-established one. With self-love there is trust and if there is trust comes honesty, everything compliments each other. Besides, don’t forget to dwell in good communication. To understand that a relationship is hard and you have to find someone who wants to work hard with you together. That’s it.
Illustration by @maria_alethea